So the thing is, I've been listening to Dr Laura. I know, I know. I should know better. But I have a long-standing fascination with advice columns, and advice call-in shows are even better, because you get more back-and-forth. And Dr Laura is pretty entertaining, for an advice show. I don't even mean the controversy. I think I might mean the opposite of the controversy. At least once or twice an hour she makes a statement that reminds me how far apart our ideological bases are, but they're usually kind of toss-offs. A lot of what I find interesting about this show is how it's mostly just pretty good advice.
That said, it's pretty good advice that comes from a very unyielding point of view. I don't even mean the strict code of right and wrong behavior. I'm thinking more of the message that people don't change. If your father or wife or co-worker is a bad person, they're always going to be a bad person, and you can adjust your behavior around them accordingly, but you can't make them change and you shouldn't wait around for them to do so. It's a fairly common thing to hear her say, something like "I'm sorry that you married a jerk, but now that you know he's a jerk, what are you going to do?"
Even more interesting, although far less common, are the callers who are clearly seeking comfort. From Dr Laura. They all sound like they're really familiar with the show, so I'm never sure what they're thinking. You get the woman who calls in practically in tears because her eleven-year-old daughter asked her to not come to the school play, and while she's talking about how bad she feels about being rejected by her daughter, Dr Laura is just pushing ahead with "well, what have you done to make your daughter not want you there? Are you very critical of her? Do you make her feel bad? Stop doing that and maybe she'll start being interested in having you around. No, I don't want to hear why you do it, just stop doing it. Of course you feel bad, this is your fault."
I hate to defend Dr. Laura in any way, so this is a general comment, not about her per se: I think there's a very widespread belief (so deeply held that people don't even think about it most of the time) that by sufficient application of will, you can shape other people into being who you want them to be.
And I think that although people do change, all the time, it's next to impossible to intentionally change them in exactly the way that you want them to change. Especially if they don't want to change in that way. Even changing yourself in a particular specified way is pretty hard.
So I think that it's valuable to suggest to people that the answer to their problems is not "make the other person behave the way you want them to behave."
But I don't think much of Dr. Laura's approach to suggesting that, from the little I've heard of her. I can't stand to listen to her.
Posted by: Jed at February 5, 2004 02:24 PMThat's where a lot of my ambivalence comes from: I agree with the part of her argument that says "you can't make another person change, no matter how patient you are or how much you love them". I don't think I agree with the part that says "they aren't ever going to change." But it's a moot point a lot of the time--with a lot of the callers she gets, I think she's right to tell them that they can't wait around hoping that the person will change on their own, because the kind of change they're talking about is unpredictable at best and often never happens.
But yeah, she can be hard to listen to at times. Once they get in to the actual taking-calls part of the program, it's rarely contentious for me; even when I disagree with her, it's not like a big principled disagreement. The hard part is the beginning of each hour, where she just kind of talks for a while and issues Action Alerts and stuff. That's where my Big Principled Disagreements with her come in.
Posted by: Susan at February 5, 2004 02:55 PMVirtue never stands alone. It is bound to have neighbors.
Posted by: Miller Mariah at May 3, 2004 10:14 AMThe fear of death is the beginning of slavery.
thanks
Posted by: penis enlargement at May 29, 2004 07:58 PMMorality by consensus is frequently morality by convenience.
Posted by: London Daniel at June 30, 2004 12:32 PMI have found the best online pharmacy to buy
Generic Viagra online
generic Cialis
generic Lipitor
nice site!!!
Posted by: penis enlargement at August 11, 2004 10:25 AMnice site!!!
Posted by: penis enlargement at August 13, 2004 11:19 AMBuy Viagra, Cialis or Levitra prescription from:
Viagra pharmacy
Levitra pharmacy
Cialis pharmacy
Interesting and, indeed, very thorough. I also recommend on online poker reviews.
Posted by: Online Poker Maestro at August 26, 2004 05:57 AMThe latest new in casino online world - online casino new site, ready to give you money!
Posted by: New Online Casino! at August 26, 2004 10:34 AMI found it very useful, much like the online craps site.
Posted by: Best Online Craps at August 26, 2004 12:08 PMThanks for a great site.
Buy Cialis online at lowest price.
Posted by: Cialis cheap at August 31, 2004 03:22 PMI disagree with Dave. Slots is really enjoying game. Visit Slots site and play slots.
Posted by: Play Slots at September 7, 2004 09:40 PMNice site also visit Tramadol site.
Posted by: Tramadol online at September 15, 2004 02:46 PMBuy Viagra
Posted by: viagra at September 22, 2004 11:43 AMBuy Cialis
Posted by: cialis at September 22, 2004 12:33 PMBuy Cialis
Posted by: cialis at September 23, 2004 05:42 PMZithromax online antibiotic online
Posted by: Zithromax at September 27, 2004 06:49 AMFast cash advance loan and pay day online loans. Information about Florida payday loans, California fast payday loan advances, and Texas short term loans.
Posted by: payday loans at October 3, 2004 03:18 PMInformation on Amoxicillin online.
Posted by: Amoxicillin cheap at October 5, 2004 01:55 PMI am not one of those who think that the people are never in the wrong. They have been so, frequently and outrageously, both in other countries and in this. But I do say, that in all disputes between them and their rulers, the presumption is at least upon a par in favour of the people.
Posted by: vimax extender at October 7, 2004 03:24 PMFor Cialis information online.
Posted by: Cialis cheap at October 10, 2004 06:45 AMAwesome sentiment! I totally agree with you!
Posted by: fleshlight at October 12, 2004 08:18 AMInfo on Levaquin tablets online.
Posted by: Levaquin side effects at October 13, 2004 03:15 PMSeasonale online info site.
Posted by: Cheap Seasonale at October 15, 2004 07:30 AMButalbital online site.
Posted by: Buy Butalbital at October 16, 2004 05:46 AM