specialagency.net: Wedding

February 11, 2004

Wedding

Enough about the law for a moment. Let's talk about the real challenges of gay marriage.

Some background. I have been "different" for as long as I can remember. At recess, I would dodge the kickball game and wander over to play Guiding Light with the girls. When my grandmother came to babysit, my brother set off fireworks in the street with his friends. I learned how to crochet.

Yet despite my unusual hobbies, I never crossed over the lines of gender into the realm of wedding fantasy. I always believed that a wedding was some task I would have to accomplish when I found a woman that I could marry some time in college. I never gave a thought to the color of the boutonniere I would wear or the most appropriate processional music because the only feeling I had for a wedding was dread. There would be a rabbi and maybe my parents would know what to do. It was part of the world I would have to go along with, not the life I would create.

Coming out did not bring weddings any closer to the front of my mind. Neither did entering a long-term relationship. My partner and I belong to different religions. I have a strong distaste for the market dominance of UU clergy and no wish to antagonize my family with a ceremony I would not particularly respect.

In this sense, we were as unprepared for the Supreme Judicial Court's decision as the many legislators who are meeting today in Boston to decide its outcome.

Of course we're getting married. We decided that right away.

I have begun to collect books and magazines, to make phone calls, and to seek out the help of professionals. I've gone to the web sites and message boards.

And in beginning this process, I have encountered thousands of other individuals who are planning their own ceremonies. I have joined a world where girls imagine themselves in beautiful dresses and sunlit mansions. They rehearse their lines and share their dramatic visions of beaches and poetry and tears. Each one has cast herself as the star of her own show. And just like 20 years ago, I am the strange, solitary boy who has wandered into their midst and has no idea how to join in.

Posted by Mark at February 11, 2004 12:21 PM

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Fabulous entry -- thank you for posting it. And I hope you have a great wedding!

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